017. Ode to 40

A whole decade that represents what I stand for: living with intention instead of letting life pass you by.

I just turned 40.

[Insert full range of emotions here: 😬 🤯 🥳]

When I was much younger, I used to think getting to this age would feel really old.

It’s halfway to 80.

It’s the start of a decade that isn’t celebrated on any lists (no 50 Under 50).

And it’s an age when you have to start thinking about things like mammograms and colonoscopies.

But now that I’ve arrived, I can tell you with deep sincerity that I feel more excited about this age and upcoming decade than most ages I’ve turned before this one.

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There is something kind of magical that happens around this age. ✨

You start to feel like you *actually* know yourself. What you’re really good at. What makes you come alive. What you don’t like at all.

And best of all, you start becoming unapologetic about it.

You shift from caring a lot about other people’s opinions and meeting societal expectations to caring a lot more about whether you’re letting yourself down.

Your priorities get clearer.

Your tolerance for things that waste your time gets lower.

And your inner voice starts to whisper a little bit louder, “Psst. You haven’t done that thing you said you were going to do by now. Remember?” (And you finally start to listen).

Turning 40 is a natural checkpoint along life’s highway to make sure you’re not just speeding by on auto-pilot. It’s like a bright, flashing reminder that you’re actually the one in control of the wheel.

In other words, it’s the start of a whole decade that represents exactly what I stand for: living with intention.

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So to honor this milestone, I wanted to share four pieces of wisdom that I’ve found particularly empowering in this season of life — and I hope they resonate no matter what age you happen to be.

1. You’re Allowed to Take Up Space

When I returned to Amazon after my second maternity leave, my manager told me something that has stuck with me ever since: “You’re allowed to take up space”.

I had shared a thought with her in private that I didn’t voice in a meeting with senior leadership. She gave me a sideways look and said it was a great point — I should feel totally comfortable saying it live next time. She was absolutely right. I had somehow convinced myself that because I had been gone for the last 6 months that I shouldn’t speak without having full context.

But here’s the thing: I didn’t need to have full context. I just needed to voice my perspective based on what I did know and then ask questions about the rest. I belonged in those meetings for a reason — and it wasn’t to stay quiet.

I’ve carried that piece of wisdom with me into my late 30s and this new decade. It’s no coincidence that I only recently started this blog and started posting a lot more on LinkedIn. That’s me, acknowledging not only that I can indeed take up space, but that my voice is a powerful tool I can use to help other people and spread awareness of things I think are important for the world to know.

We’re all here on this earth with different points of view, different skill sets and talents. I wish I had learned earlier in life that it’s incumbent upon us to use our voice, “take up space” and share those gifts with others, even if it feels a little bit uncomfortable sometimes (especially for all the fellow introverts out there).

In fact, here’s another tidbit that makes it easier: no one actually cares about you taking up space as much as you think they do!

2. You Don’t Need to Wait for Permission

In a similar vein — the older I get, the more I’ve realized you don’t need permission to act. You can just go do things. And that has been a freeing revelation, as a former straight A student and natural rule follower.

I don’t mean you can eat ice cream for dinner (though you certainly can). I mean you can leave a job that isn’t serving you. You can even totally change careers later in life. You can also do things like organize a Swap Event at your kids’ school even if you’ve never done one before.

At this age especially, no one is actually telling you what to do or who to be. You might think that in your head sometimes, but in reality, you are the adult in the room. There is nothing stopping you from creating the life you want except your own limitations you’ve put on yourself.

Late last year, I felt the desire to write about and share what I was learning about the circular economy and living with intention. I started a Substack. And now I’ve written 17 posts. I envisioned writing a post called “Ode to 40”, and now I’m hitting publish.

There are so many things that work exactly like that. No one needs to give you permission to get off the sidelines. You’re allowed to get on the playing field whenever and however you want.

3. Focus on the “Rocks”

You may be familiar with the classic Rocks/Pebbles/Sand story. But just in case you aren’t, let me share it with you.

A professor showed his class four items on the table at the front of the classroom: a glass jar, rocks, pebbles and sand.

He poured all the rocks into the jar, which filled it to the top.

“Is the jar full?” He asked the students. They all nodded.

Then he poured in the pebbles and gently shook the jar, and the pebbles all trickled down, filling the crevices.

“How about now?” the professor asked. The students all nodded again.

Then he proceeded to add the sand, which further filled the remaining space in the jar.

“How about now?” he asked again. The students smiled and nodded again.

“This jar is just like your life,” the professor explained.

“All the rocks represent the things that truly matter. Your family, your health, your closest friends, your values and integrity.

If you just had those, your life would be full.

The pebbles are things that matter but are lower priority in the grand scheme of life. Your job, your side hustles, your coworkers or acquaintances.

The sand is all the other distractions in life that are completely meaningless. Your phone, TV shows, video games, gossip.

If you filled the jar with sand first, it would be too full to fit any rocks.

So make sure you fill it with your rocks first.”

In this decade, I am prioritizing my rocks and drastically cutting back on the sand that I allow into my life.

Giving less attention to things that drain my energy and leave me feeling unfulfilled. Not getting pulled into petty drama. Investing more in my health and sleep. Making sure my kids and husband know they always come first.

4. Someday is Here

Lastly, I like to think of this upcoming decade as the start of a personal capstone assignment. It’s the time when you can take stock of the impressive toolkit you’ve built — all the experiences, skills, knowledge and hard-earned lessons — and apply it to something truly meaningful you want to accomplish.

It might look like starting a business. Writing a book. Living in a foreign country. Running a marathon. Or whatever other big goal you’ve always had but haven’t yet acted on. Something that you’ve filed away to do “someday". Something you’d truly regret when you’re 80 if you never got around to it.

Because, at 40, it feels like “someday” is finally here. With any luck, you still have good health, your full faculties, plenty of friends and family to cheer you on and provide advice. You also have a proven track record of navigating a lot of hard things before and coming out the other side.

Sometimes at this age we tend to compare ourselves to others or even feel behind where we thought we’d be. But I think that is the whole point of this decade — to take it by the reins and change whatever’s getting in the way.

You’re not actually behind. You’re right on time.

Cheers to the next 40!

If you’ve recently turned 40, what are some other pieces of wisdom that resonate most with you right now?

And if 40 is already long gone in your rear-view mirror, what do you wish you had known then?

Let me know in the comments.

Until next time,

Jenny